Lately I've realized to just go with the flow...
I have this teacher, and i had a crush on him since july 2012, and yeah before I knew that he is already married with two kids i fall too hard and crash too hard, and it was like im excited to go to school because of him, and im eager to study at his subject though its hard because its math (unfortunately i didn't)but i really try hard, one of my team song for him was "Siguro" by yeang constantino the music video was fit to my situation haha she is inlove with her prof. too haha yeng is really a good composer, so that song has a lyrics of "ayokong magmukang tanga sayo" but i do look like a fool on him tsk.. and that feeling stops when he gave me a conditional grade on our finals which is October that year, i got mad at him like really mad at him, and its just so weird because my feeling is automatically gone after he gave me my classcard. i think its because of hatred, though he still passed me but of course with condition of taking the exam but, we (together with my other classmates) ask him to just give a project, and he agreed, well after all he still has a good heart.
and so.. November, December until second week of January, no feelings at all. But because of school, because of every school days I see him I didn't realize that, the feeling comes back, that stupid feelings of mine comes back.
I had this thing on my mind two (2) weeks ago"that i have to start to stop liking him" (haha that was complicated). that is monday, and that morning I dreamed of him but i must not be affected with it, and I must not see him that day, and we past through their building (to their office) and im like "yes im safe" but when we are walking (still together with my classmates) i saw him. tsk that was bad. after that i always see him like "ALWAYS" .
And im asking why? why when when im starting to stop liking him, why does he always shows up? why does everytime i see him that "kilig factor" always in me. and Im thinking maybe because its God's "Challenge'' for me if I can stop my feeling even though i always see him . Or maybe God just wants me realize that i can't do it, I mean to " Just Go With The flow'' if I like him, Then i like him so what I just like him, i just have a crush on him and i know my limitations.
That feeling when you are trying to stop you heart from liking someone, its hard. and I cant help myself . that feeling even if the guy you like is not talking to you, even if that guy and you don't have a conversation to remember, even if that guy didn't know your name (except maybe i'm just familiar because i became his student) but still i dont think. even if the guy you like did not ever notice you, and did not even know you exist.
"Its Hard to love, especially when your the Only one that gives love"
neks nemen .
but now "I realized to just Go with the flow"
If i like him, then i like him. I don't need to stop my heart from liking someone , and im not doing anything wrong, its not bad to like someone, except from the fact that he's already married with two kids. But all in all its not wrong, I mean Im not seducing him Or anything like that,he dont know my name, he doesn't even know that i like him, and im not planning to tell him that i like him like never ever. he will never know that i have a feeling towards him. I'll just keep it, and im happy with it, so why do i have to be bothered.
In time I know this feeling will go away, maybe not for now, but in time, for now i just keep him as my inspiration. :)
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haha this GIF is cute |