Crying in Silence

When I'm crying, I cry silently. I'm crying in Silence.

I just don't want my family and other people see me cry, I just don't want. I never cry in front of my friends or best friends, even to my mother. As in NEVER.  

I'm talkative, cheerful, jolly in the morning (to my Friends and family. but I am a very shy person if were not close) . But when it comes at night (not literally every night) but the night when I get lonely and reminiscing those sad moments in my life, those things that you wish you didn't do or words that you wish you never said or the moments when I'm in pain, my feelings get hurt. I just can't stop Crying. and all the things that hurt me even the one's that is already past, it comes back. it really hurts. the Feeling when you can't control your tears to fall and its just drops and drops. and you can feel your pillow is soaking because of tears and your nose clogged so hard but you have to be silent so no one could hear it.

And after I cry, I ask God to forgive me. because sometimes or every time when I'm crying. I cry at   Shallow reasons. and I know God is disappointed every time i cried at those shallow reasons, but I can't help crying, Crying is always good

Crying is Okay . It is good 

Cry and Cry.  Cry all your pain, let them out. and I tell you after Crying is a RELIEF! 

Even laughing or smile can't do what Crying can.

Sometimes at night...

  They say people/girl who stays up late is SAD
or
Lonely people are always up in the middle of the night

Do you just stay up late because of feeling alone or Lonely? and you feel like nobody cares? and there's no one to count on? I do feel it sometimes and its kinda depressing. Feeling like your forgotten and all you can do is... just be sad. It's not healthy to always stay up late. Being sad is not even healthy. But what can we do? sadness, Insecurities, jealousy, society. it kills us, it destroys us.

everyone hates it. feeling alone hurts, being lonely sucks.
but everyone is getting used to it.
and getting used to things like that, hurts even more.

I always stays up late. surf the internet. tumblr. facebook. twitter. blogger, read books, write etc. that's what I do to reduce my sadness and it really helps me, by Doing this things just help me, and they are my bestfriends. I'll get sad if they leave. 

And the most powerful thing to do when your depress, sad, in pain etc. is to PRAY.

even when your happy, In every moment PRAY.

have a deep conversation with God.

Ask God to help you.

say Sorry.

Thank God.



***
picture from tumblr

time goes faster

Once again Summer's Over and last Tuesday june 11, 2013 was my first day of class.

wow HOPEFULLY ( awa ng Diyos) this is my last year in college.

graduating student is really a stressful thing. It's our first day but our teachers gives us a lot of things to do for the next meeting. I should study hard so that i could pass all my subjects.

days go fast, it was like yesterday when It was my first year in college, everything was different from high school. new friends, new school, everything was different.

Sometimes I get a little sad, when i think of this is my last year in school. responsibilities are coming, and every person who is graduated are obligated to earn money, I mean I would love to earn money I really really love to earn money and help my family but when I think that I'm getting Older, Is just so sad. I mean, it was like i haven't done all the things I want to do on my teenage life that's the saddest part. I know I will regret this when I get older.  

But of course I want to graduate in college this 2014 haha that was just my Inside thoughts. and I think if im working and earning money. I could do many things. hahaha

xxx

I just want to be productive Teenager in my way. 

in a way of my dreams, the things i want to do while I'm still a teen.

this is my last year of being a teenager I wanted to sing in crowd, but too shy to do it, to travel, roadtrips, adventures. In my way :(

Summer's Over

Summer's Over 

here in Philippines.

It's so sad I have not done all I want to do for summer. there are so many things I want to do. haha you know me, I want to be a productive teenager. 

***

lack of money

lack of friends (I think they don't want to do what I want)

and so many more.

here are the things I want to do (SANA)

but I did not able able to do.

*

*

*

ROADTRIP

(Everywhere)

I always wanted to go on road trips ever since.

I soOOO love this picture.

It was like everything was perfect.

their van, the gilrs, their outfits, sunglasses, the weather. its perfect.

Go to beaches.

wow. I want to go to beach and get tan 

unfortunately, I didn't :(

go on PICKNIC

with Friends or family

I always want to do this. I'm craving to do this :(

someday.

go on Surfing.

just try to surf.

Find star fish :)

watch CONCERT.

I don't care what artist or band I just want to watch.

but I'll be more happy if it is one of my favorite bands/artist.

get a POLAROID PHOTOS

polaroid camera. I WANT. 

I want to watch SUNSET always.

though I have seen it once this summer.

here are some things that i wish i can do.

there's always next time and im hoping I could do those things :)

though I had a great summer.

I'm able to go to cebu and bohol, watch movies, read some books, I watch sunset one time, i watch the moon, make my nephew laugh, meet friends (me and my friends always meet and get really full after summer class haha) , get drunk a little. haha 

XXX

photos are not mine.

most of the pictures are from tumblr.

Clarifying Things

Stalking my ex "CRUSH"

NOT REALLY INTENTIONAL just CLARIFYING THINGS.

or

INTENTIONALLY in a way of CLARIFYING THINGS.

(complicated)

Remember when I say "JUST GO WITH THE FLOW" ?

Yes I go with the flow, I don't Fight things that happened or will happen, I just Go with it, I just go with the things that will happen.

I stalk sir's Facebook and saw Bunch of pictures of him with his family, and I was like Okay and I'm not really Bitter. I feel This thing A month Ago, I just don't Accept it, or I just Ignored it. not really because I want sir so much that's why I Ignored it, but because I'm not so sure if it's true, because it happens not just once, not twice but trice.  I'm telling myself that I don't like him
anymore but then It comes back, And I look like stupid every time it happens. So to be sure about it I let my feelings or my heart  go go with it, to clarify things (naks haha) .

and then It just happened .

I thank God, for loving me, and for giving me patience.

Thank you for letting me, be inspired.

I just GO WITH THE FLOW

I just go with my feeling and then I lost it, But I feel free.

with it.


P.S
it's just a crush, sorry for being this way, sorry for being emotional.
I am so SHALLOW, i know it.