Rejection Hurts.

I wish I wasn't the kind of person who fears many things. 

I mean, I wanted to be productive, Adventurous, and do the YOLO's thingy but how can  do those things when I fear of going Home late. I hate fears,and  I fvcking hate those stupid people doing crimes like stealing, Murdering. why do those things exist? 

I always ask my friends, to do this, go here, go there but they Always reject me. like always. but whenever they were the ones who ask me if i like to do this or go there, go here i always says yes. and I was kind of, get hurt every time those things happens. sometimes I wish i could just duplicate myself every time i feel lonely or needing someone to be with, because i need someone like me, someone who can understand me, and thats me. I mean, need the presence of me being with me.  but I can't, and it's not possible.

right now, I just wish to bring out my fearless side, fearless in a good way, and do things by myself, because I can't count on my friends anymore, though I love them, I really love them, so much. it's just that maybe they don't want the things I wanna do. or maybe they don't like me at all, because they keep on rejecting me and never agree on  my suggestions. I m so Lonely Right now. Gosh this hurts, truth hurts, I guess.

And i guess i should start doing things alone, or by myself. I have to start being happy by myself besides "you create you own happiness''/'' Happiness is a choice''/'' you can't depend your happiness in someone else's hand'' right?  I just hope for the best and wish I was brave enough.

So Drained

Do you ever feel so drained? like there's nothing left, not even yourself, and it's so...

it hurt's.  

I just wanted to be productive, I just wanted to exist, I want a chance. but never had it. I feel so Drained , Empty as well, and right now, I locked out of words but still wanted to continue this. I never been good at anything. sometimes I think, what am I for?
Is there something ahead of me?
I'm still trying to figure out things. I wish I will, sooner.
 I just need Patience and faith.
(crossfingers)

Appreciated

Let me share this "Once in A lifetime opportunity" that I declined. 

And find the reason/s why I declined it.

This is not just a "wala Lang"  coz it really matters though.

Last May 18, my Aunt message me on Facebook about Buying me a ticket and cover all my expenses for One Direction as a graduation gift  ^__^. and yeah it took me 4 minutes to reply 'Coz I was like, Damn what should I do? What should I say? my heart skip beating and I died (not literally)  and I was Happy and Crying at the same time (yeah, I cried Literally). I mean this is what I prayed for, A free One Direction concert Ticket and it happened. and in that moment I wanted to jump and shout because of the happiness I'm feeling.

And suddenly I realized something.

I realized that I can't afford to be happy all by myself, 

yeah I know that this is a Once in a lifetime opportunity and its free and it's not just somebody, This is ONE DIRECTION, my favorite boy band, one of my favorite Artist. As I was saying, I can't afford to be happy all by myself, knowing my love ones/my Family are not, I know this is shallow and some may not understand why? I declined such an opportunity but that is what I had i my heart, I don't wanna be selfish, though I think I deserved this, but I really can't. we're not rich and concert ticket are too expensive even if its a gift, it's just that I love my family so much and I don't wanna be selfish because I'm the only one who will benefit with that. I love One Direction But I love my Family More.

For Tita Anna, 

Thank you so much po, I really appreciate your offer,  . 

Sorry po kung Tinanggihan ko yung offer mo,

but thank you for giving me the chance to watch the concert though i did not accept it.

Thank you so much po talaga.

xoxoxo

I really felt blessed coz not everyone received an opportunity like this, and the thought that even though I'm just a simple girl, living in a simple city, living a simple life will had an opportunity like this.

wow it's really cool.

THANK YOU :)

1D in Manila (ONE DIRECTION INFECTION)

1D in Manila FOR REAL!

this coming March 21, 2015 get your Ovaries ready! haha

They confirmed it through a Video on youtube. but unfortunately when I checked it before writing this, they removed the video due to copyright claim something. But you can read it through Here.

Filipino (Juan) Directioners been wanting this, ever since. And I know right now they're/we still smiling. When I heard it from my friend and read and article about it about (4) Four hours ago (Here) it's like my heart stops for a moment and I can't breathe Literally. I really really want to see them.

No let me rephrase that, I NEED to see them! to feed my fandom HAHA

No seriously, I would Love to see them. Even if not in the VIP. I just want to see them Live, to hear them perform Live. to sing with them. 

But whenever I think of the price of the ticket i just arggg.. How I can I afford it???

I still have no work, and my family is not rich.

BUT this! gives me Motivation, to search for work or to earn money.

but come to think of it,if luckily I have earned money by that time, would you think my conscience would let me sleep by spending money on a concert ticket? yeah I know its a once i a lifetime thing and that's One Direction, not just somebody, but as i have said we're not rich, if i have earned money for a concert ticket, I'd rather give it to my parents than to have Fun all by myself right?

T^T

Right now, Mixed emotions I'm 10000% H A P P Y and kinda depress at the same time.
Happy because finally their going to have a concert here in Philippines
and Depress because the concert ticket is too expensive.
haaay. How I wish I wasn't that poor :(

and oh! here's a screenshot of their video that leaked in social networking sites.

Harry is so cute!!! he did not talk in the video but his gesture says a lot! haha (lip biting) he just stand there, looking in the camera like a little boy doing a puppy eye and biting his lips and haaayyy he i so cute.

Summertime Sadness

yeah, I know it's a Lana Del Rey song and its a beautiful song.
well, her songs are so cool! and she's really beautiful.

 I really felt sad and bad this summer and it is indeed 

a "SUMMERTIME SADNESS"

it's Summer and everybody's waiting for summer, longing for summer.

And everybody LOVES summer.

Damn. I feel worst! one of my most worst summer ever!

at first I thought my summer will be a blast because I started a road trip in march palang and blah blah blah. but I'm wrong I got stuck in our House with non adventure thing happens waiting for the day goes by, sleep, babysitting, TV and repeat, Gosh it SICK! I hadn't even finish my list of books to read

I envy my friends who got to spend their summer in the most adventurous way, they got to spend their summer in other places, in other country, accommodate in a hotel, hike, Island Hopping, Beach, Swim, watch concerts, get drunk! I also envy those artists who got a chance to travel the whole earth and make people smile and happy. I want to cry tons for this.

I CAN"T because I don't have Adventurous Friends, I don't Have Adventurous family, I don't have money, I don't have flawless Skin, gosh It's summer and I can't even wear shorts.

T^T

I really need someone...someone who I can share an Adventure with.

Someone I can trust.

Someone That I can called "My Adventure Buddy/Buddies"

PLAYLIST///2///I'm Still Waiting Patiently

"I'm Still Waiting Patiently"

I know that i've said that I don't think I'll ever have this "Love" thing or the so called "Boyfriend" and I don't know why I keep on hoping in it even if I think I'll never get one. It's just that this songs gives me hope haha.

I'm hopeless but I'm still hoping

(this is so embarrassing though )

let's just start

To whom it may concern - The Civil Wars

"I missed you but I haven't met you" 

How long will I wait to finally meet you?

though I haven't met you yet, I know I love you and I miss you.

A Thousand years - Christina Perri 

"I have died everyday waiting for you"

I'll wait for you, I'll patiently wait for you, I don't care how long it will take but promise me you'll come and I'll promise to fight cause I have loved you for a thousand years, I loved you for a thousand more. 

My heart will Wait - Joe Brooks

" My heart will wait for you."
"My hearts gonna wait for you, always."

I know it's not gonna be easy, it's not meant to be easy. believe in me cause my heart will wait until I will be with you. My heart will wait for you...Always

Synesthesia - Mayonnaise

"I've waiting for you, Waiting for this dream to come true, just to be with you."

"I'm lost for words, endlessly waiting for you " 

I'm slowly falling into you, would you fall too?

not because I haven't met him yet, it doesn't mean I'll never right?

DEAR WHOEVER YOU MIGHT BE, I'M STILL WAITING PATIENTLY :) 

Summer Getaway///2

 my Summer getaway part 2!

our family decided to celebrate our (cousin Boninay) graduation in our farm in BORAcungan haha just kidding it's actually in Bacungan which my grandparents and my mom live before, this is where my mom grew, and I also grew up here, my grandparents took me here because my mama and papa is working in the city plus my brother is sick that time (he passed away when I was 3y/old) kaya nga "Laking Lolo at Lola ako". right now we have a little house (bahay kubo) there with few farm animals. its only 30 minutes away from the city.

our whole family is there, relatives from mother's side, few friends and some neighbors. we did have fun!

we stay there for a night. it was really fun.

 see, It's peaceful here, aside from your neighbors that miles away from you, all you can hear is the sounds of animals. and the first thing you can see in the morning is this view :) 

plus the water is free but no electricity T.T

 seriously. whats with the peace sign today?? haha just ignore it.

me and my funny friend Alvin

 While they are enjoying the water, Im taking pictures of them. damn this "rebond" thing. I can't enjoy summer-slash-water. and mostly I can't wear shorts! damn this "scar" thing which is the main reason why I can't enjor SUMMER! "if only I could. I would".

*

*

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  and that night we did have bonfire which is on my bucket list :)

I love how this picture was taken :) credits to me! haha

 AND were going Home :)

Right now I'm hunting for job, I've past resume in some establishments/hotels and Im just waiting for their text for interview. hoping I will employed soon. 

:)