Not now, not ever.

It's always fun being with them, 

non-stop laughing, joking, insulting each other.

getting drunk, eat. Laugh again.

and vice versa. though, of course you cant avoid drama's

then misunderstanding happens. and it involves me. though at first I wasn't included in the fight, 

and I was kind of sad because I wasn't supposed to be included, I mean as far I know,I didn't do anything wrong.

It's sad to see friendship falls apart, It's sad because I don't know what to do, we haven't see each other and even talked about it.

I hope It gets better soon, and I hope they're not mad at me.

I don't want this friendshipto be over

Not now, not ever.

I want this friendship lasts forever. 

I love them.

Nahhh!

I don't have much to talk about and it sucks.

lately, all I do is stay and babysit in our house, because I don't have work yet, haay I wish I have. 

It's been seven months and nothing happens. no adventure no travel.

plus! I don't have inspiration. love? friends? or anything

and its been 2 months since I stopped reading.

Rejection

"Rejection doesn't mean you aren't good enough, it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.

I saw this on tumblr earlier and I hope to feel the same way, to believe that the problem is not me.  

I just got rejected (AGAIN) on an interview. this is funny but sad that I have been through interviews so many times and I always got rejected (I want to cry right now) and its funny, even though I've been through lots of rejections its still hurts. It fvcking HURTS so much every time im having an interview and got rejected. while my batch mates is having a great life and a good Job, I'm still here,stuck, fvcked up,wasted. 

so last Wednesday I had an interview in this soon to open hotel and as I say I got rejected. so there's this guy, the interviewer asked random questions, usually asked through an interview but the thing is, he make it hard, and i don't know why I slightly did not understand him i got blocked or maybe I got shy. Don't get me wrong he's smart, I know he is. and on the last part ( the part when i know that Im rejected) he asked me why I didn't get a job before and I tell him that all my interviews needed a person with experience and I got non, and he tells me that I'm lying, because he said he, himself accepts fresh graduates without experience and he tells me that is because the persons personality, the way that people speak. and he said that I am not confident, that I came there with thoughts of not being good enough. and that moment, that very moment slapped me in the face that maybe he's right, maybe those companies, establishments they're not the problem. its me. I'm the problem I'm not good enough. I'm not beautiful enough, I don't have the good looks, body and maybe I'm not smart enough. Gosh I hate myself, I hate myself for not being good enough.

I failed myself again, and most especially I failed my parents, I failed my Family. I'm so sorry that I am such a failure. I'm sorry for being this way. I'm sorry coz I'm not good enough. I'm sorry because I always fail you. I'm such a failure, I'm such a loser.

and it hurts to know that you're not good enough. sometimes I'm losing faith, maybe stopped believing in my self.

I still want to believe him. I still want to know his purpose for me. and I know he has great plans for me.

We found love right where we are

if your a fan of Ed Sheeran or if you Love his new song "Thinking Out Loud" 

I bet you know were the title came from .

The song is about love of course. how they'll love each other 'till the end.

I've been LSS to this song since forever! and its the "most played" song in my phone right now.

Ed Sheeran is really one of the best composer and singer.

and to the girl who inspired this song, she's sooo lucky. I wish it was me ;) haha!

though i heard  that he's dating someone now, no, not just heard I saw the girls instagram and twitter account which proves that Ed and her are dating. shes lucky :) 

She's really pretty and sexy and hot, the kind of girl that every guy would like to date.

here is the music video of "Thingking out Loud" you can watch it Here.

I never thought Ed Sheeran Dance very well, and I think he lose weight.

Plus! Here is the behind the scenes of his music video which his choreographer's says, that Ed wants to dance in his new music video, nobody tells him to, he just wanted to dance. he really worked hard on practicing his steps and I admire him for that. :)

some photos from the music video from youtube :)

GOODNEWS and BADNEWS

Good News! Ed Sheeran is going to have his concert here in the Philippines (Manila) on March 12,2014 and the ticket is cheaper than One Direction's Concert ticket. Ed's VIP ticket price is Half as the VIP ticket of One DIrection. I wish I could watch him live T_T 

and the Bad news is I don't have Money. poor kid here.

 #PoorKidProblem

SImple introduction

Questions I found From Tumblr

“MAKE ME REGRET PUTTING THIS UP BY BEING CURIOUS AND ASKING ME QUESTIONS.”

—

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?  Alex (Nephew) 2. Are you outgoing or shy?  Outgoing and Shy  3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Ed Sheeran and One Direction (hoping) 4. Are you easy to get along with? Yes. 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?  Impossible 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Funny 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? its IMPOSSIBLE  8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Ohshit! he can't be ! 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? syempre naman! haha 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Anna 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?  Diploma in teaching Requirements 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Wake me up - Ed Sheeran, All of me - John Legend, Sunburn - Ed Sheeran, Over Again - One Direction, All too well - Taylor Swift 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? No, my hair sucks 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Miracles only 15. What good thing happened this summer? Aside from Graduating College, Living and Breathing 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Never been Kissed 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I think so  18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no. 19. Do you like bubble baths? yes. 20. Do you like your neighbors? no. 21. What are you bad habits? drinking 22. Where would you like to travel? I want to travel The world. 23. Do you have trust issues? no. 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? eating. 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Legs. 26. What do you do when you wake up? Thanking God for a new Life 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Lighter 28. Who are you most comfortable around? Friends. 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? no Ex's Haha never had a boyfriend 30. Do you ever want to get married? ofcourse 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes. 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? HAHA!  33. Spell your name with your chin. jhasqnh azhygtrfeded 34. Do you play sports? What sports? I wat to be Sporty 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? can't live without both. 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Always. 37. What do you say during awkward silences? toooot toooot! or " may anghel na dumaan" then Laugh 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? someone i can count on 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? - 40. What do you want to do after high school? - 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on the situation. 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?  mad / in pain / depress 43. Do you smile at strangers? no. 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Both. 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Alex (Nephew) 46. What are you paranoid about? - 47. Have you ever been high? no. 48. Have you ever been drunk? yes. 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? yes.  50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Grey 51. Ever wished you were someone else? sometimes. 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? i wish i had flawless skin 53. Favourite makeup brand? not into make ups. 54. Favourite store? - 55. Favourite blog? Aria and Nina 56. Favourite colour? - 57. Favourite food? - 58. Last thing you ate? nilagang baka 59. First thing you ate this morning? kitkat 60. Ever won a competition? For what? nah! 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?  no. 62. Been arrested? For what? never. 63. Ever been in love?  never been inlove. 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? never been kissed HAHA 65. Are you hungry right now? yes.  66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? no 67. Facebook or Twitter? facebook 68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr. 69. Are you watching tv right now? no. 70. Names of your bestfriends? -------------- 71. Craving something? What?  Binagoongang Ampalaya  72. What colour are your towels? Dirty white, yellow and blue 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? two. 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes. 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? not more that ten i think 75. Favourite animal? bird 76. What colour is your underwear? pink 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla 78. Favourite ice cream flavour?  ube 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey 80. What colour pants? pink Pj's 81. Favourite tv show? -  82. Favourite movie? -  83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls. 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Regina George 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? nemo 87. First person you talked to today? Mama 88. Last person you talked to today? Mama 89. Name a person you hate? - 90. Name a person you love? - 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? no 92. In a fight with someone? no 93. How many sweatpants do you have?  nine i think  94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? four 95. Last movie you watched? The First Time 96. Favourite actress? - 97. Favourite actor? - 98. Do you tan a lot? no  99. Have any pets? no 100. How are you feeling? steady  101. Do you type fast? sakto lang  102. Do you regret anything from your past? Alot! 103. Can you spell well? yes. 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yes. 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes.  106. Ever broken someone’s heart? no. 107. Have you ever been on a horse? no. 108. What should you be doing? -  109. Is something irritating you right now? -  110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes. 111. Do you have trust issues? no. 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? -  113. What was your childhood nickname?  bimbim 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?  yes. 115. Do you play the Wii? no. 116. Are you listening to music right now? no. 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes. 118. Do you like Chinese food? little. 119. Favourite book? THE FAULT IN OUR STARS 120. Are you afraid of the dark? yes.  121. Are you mean? can't tell. 122. Is cheating ever okay? ofcourse NO! 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? yes. 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? NO 125. Do you believe in true love? yes. 126. Are you currently bored? no. 127. What makes you happy? -  128. Would you change your name? no. 129. What your zodiac sign? Aquarius  130. Do you like subway? ---- 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? no guy bestfriend 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? I already answered this. 133. Favourite lyrics right now? your lipstick stain is a work of art 134. Can you count to one million? no. 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I'm Okay 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed 137. How tall are you? 5'4 138. Curly or Straight hair? Curly 139. Brunette or Blonde? Black! 140. Summer or Winter? Summer. 141. Night or Day? -  142. Favourite month? December  143. Are you a vegetarian? no 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? White Chocolate 145. Tea or Coffee? both 146. Was today a good day? yes. 147. Mars or Snickers? -  148. What’s your favourite quote? - 149. Do you believe in ghosts? no. 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? "Name with place where God had talked with him bethel."

Rejection Hurts.

I wish I wasn't the kind of person who fears many things. 

I mean, I wanted to be productive, Adventurous, and do the YOLO's thingy but how can  do those things when I fear of going Home late. I hate fears,and  I fvcking hate those stupid people doing crimes like stealing, Murdering. why do those things exist? 

I always ask my friends, to do this, go here, go there but they Always reject me. like always. but whenever they were the ones who ask me if i like to do this or go there, go here i always says yes. and I was kind of, get hurt every time those things happens. sometimes I wish i could just duplicate myself every time i feel lonely or needing someone to be with, because i need someone like me, someone who can understand me, and thats me. I mean, need the presence of me being with me.  but I can't, and it's not possible.

right now, I just wish to bring out my fearless side, fearless in a good way, and do things by myself, because I can't count on my friends anymore, though I love them, I really love them, so much. it's just that maybe they don't want the things I wanna do. or maybe they don't like me at all, because they keep on rejecting me and never agree on  my suggestions. I m so Lonely Right now. Gosh this hurts, truth hurts, I guess.

And i guess i should start doing things alone, or by myself. I have to start being happy by myself besides "you create you own happiness''/'' Happiness is a choice''/'' you can't depend your happiness in someone else's hand'' right?  I just hope for the best and wish I was brave enough.

So Drained

Do you ever feel so drained? like there's nothing left, not even yourself, and it's so...

it hurt's.  

I just wanted to be productive, I just wanted to exist, I want a chance. but never had it. I feel so Drained , Empty as well, and right now, I locked out of words but still wanted to continue this. I never been good at anything. sometimes I think, what am I for?
Is there something ahead of me?
I'm still trying to figure out things. I wish I will, sooner.
 I just need Patience and faith.
(crossfingers)