Twenty-Fourteen

December 31,2014, 12:29 am.

Last day of the year.so I guess, I have to seize the day. Carpe Diem!

and..

woah, I can't believe the year ended just like that. in an instant.

 I don't have much to talk about because I did nothing.

I think I spend 80% of my 2014 in our house and the rest I guess doing random things.

I can't believe I wasted my time too much on nothing. 

I didn't even lose weight fvck 

It's Over. I guess.

Something's just falling out of place.

I guess that "Friendship" thingy is over.

they hangout with others and I feel like they feel that they belong to that group. 

they keep secrets.you know, that Hanging out with informing em, not inviting em.

I'm not saying and I never said that they can't be friends with others or they can't hang out with others or what, its just that, It's kinda sad, feeling you've been forgotten by your friends, Its kinda suck actually. although they never say it to em. but you know it, and you can feel it. I'm not that numb.

"2014 taught me that people are temporary. We outgrow people and it's okay."

post I saw on Tumblr last week

 and yes it's true. I've realized that people are temporary, you can't control them. even your friendship. People will come and go into your life and you have to be prepared on what might happen in the future right? if they want to leave, they'll leave and you can't make them stay even if you want to.

and you just have to accept it even if it hurts.

and yeah. I've cried for it TONS! i've cried for it so much. and now I can say that I'm okay, I already cried so much and I'm tired of that Sh*t. I'm already in the process of Accpeting. and eventually I will forget the pain.

Current mood. 

PS : If ever they see this post, atleast I said what I wanted to say. and  I love them soo much it hurts seeing them forgetting me. but I still love them. and every time I'm with you guys I just can't explain the happiness I'm feeling and it' can't be paid with money.

Escape

The reason why I stay up too late is mainly because I don't want to over think too much, 

like, How I did earlier, the last time, yesterday and even in the past, like how I was as a person, and my failures. And those thoughts keeps on haunting me every single night. And I always ends up crying, like TONS! hate being exhausted.

I feel kinda depress right now, actually always. I easily got depress over some stupids things, cliche things, that even you if you will know what are those stupid and cliche reasons why I got depress, I know you'll laugh at me. and I, myself,don't even know why. 

whenever I'm on my bed and thinking about things, the past, when I'm alone and can't fall asleep,  everyone were asleep all the things that makes me sad and depress flashbacks and It just hurts so bad. So bad that I have to release it, to cry until I got tired.

So to keep that from happening, I stay up late, so when I was really really sleepy and when I close my eyes and that's it. 

****

Though no one can really avoid it. staying up late is just one of our escape from this particular time but the truth is no one can avoid it. and we have to face it eventually, maybe not now but eventually there will come a time that we'll going to cry and release the pains and it felt good because after that you'll get tired and falls asleep.

PS. 

crying makes you feel better, that's true. but what I'm experiencing right now is not healthy, co'z I was like crying for about three nights. 

(just saying)

Not now, not ever.

It's always fun being with them, 

non-stop laughing, joking, insulting each other.

getting drunk, eat. Laugh again.

and vice versa. though, of course you cant avoid drama's

then misunderstanding happens. and it involves me. though at first I wasn't included in the fight, 

and I was kind of sad because I wasn't supposed to be included, I mean as far I know,I didn't do anything wrong.

It's sad to see friendship falls apart, It's sad because I don't know what to do, we haven't see each other and even talked about it.

I hope It gets better soon, and I hope they're not mad at me.

I don't want this friendshipto be over

Not now, not ever.

I want this friendship lasts forever. 

I love them.

Nahhh!

I don't have much to talk about and it sucks.

lately, all I do is stay and babysit in our house, because I don't have work yet, haay I wish I have. 

It's been seven months and nothing happens. no adventure no travel.

plus! I don't have inspiration. love? friends? or anything

and its been 2 months since I stopped reading.

Rejection

"Rejection doesn't mean you aren't good enough, it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.

I saw this on tumblr earlier and I hope to feel the same way, to believe that the problem is not me.  

I just got rejected (AGAIN) on an interview. this is funny but sad that I have been through interviews so many times and I always got rejected (I want to cry right now) and its funny, even though I've been through lots of rejections its still hurts. It fvcking HURTS so much every time im having an interview and got rejected. while my batch mates is having a great life and a good Job, I'm still here,stuck, fvcked up,wasted. 

so last Wednesday I had an interview in this soon to open hotel and as I say I got rejected. so there's this guy, the interviewer asked random questions, usually asked through an interview but the thing is, he make it hard, and i don't know why I slightly did not understand him i got blocked or maybe I got shy. Don't get me wrong he's smart, I know he is. and on the last part ( the part when i know that Im rejected) he asked me why I didn't get a job before and I tell him that all my interviews needed a person with experience and I got non, and he tells me that I'm lying, because he said he, himself accepts fresh graduates without experience and he tells me that is because the persons personality, the way that people speak. and he said that I am not confident, that I came there with thoughts of not being good enough. and that moment, that very moment slapped me in the face that maybe he's right, maybe those companies, establishments they're not the problem. its me. I'm the problem I'm not good enough. I'm not beautiful enough, I don't have the good looks, body and maybe I'm not smart enough. Gosh I hate myself, I hate myself for not being good enough.

I failed myself again, and most especially I failed my parents, I failed my Family. I'm so sorry that I am such a failure. I'm sorry for being this way. I'm sorry coz I'm not good enough. I'm sorry because I always fail you. I'm such a failure, I'm such a loser.

and it hurts to know that you're not good enough. sometimes I'm losing faith, maybe stopped believing in my self.

I still want to believe him. I still want to know his purpose for me. and I know he has great plans for me.

We found love right where we are

if your a fan of Ed Sheeran or if you Love his new song "Thinking Out Loud" 

I bet you know were the title came from .

The song is about love of course. how they'll love each other 'till the end.

I've been LSS to this song since forever! and its the "most played" song in my phone right now.

Ed Sheeran is really one of the best composer and singer.

and to the girl who inspired this song, she's sooo lucky. I wish it was me ;) haha!

though i heard  that he's dating someone now, no, not just heard I saw the girls instagram and twitter account which proves that Ed and her are dating. shes lucky :) 

She's really pretty and sexy and hot, the kind of girl that every guy would like to date.

here is the music video of "Thingking out Loud" you can watch it Here.

I never thought Ed Sheeran Dance very well, and I think he lose weight.

Plus! Here is the behind the scenes of his music video which his choreographer's says, that Ed wants to dance in his new music video, nobody tells him to, he just wanted to dance. he really worked hard on practicing his steps and I admire him for that. :)

some photos from the music video from youtube :)

GOODNEWS and BADNEWS

Good News! Ed Sheeran is going to have his concert here in the Philippines (Manila) on March 12,2014 and the ticket is cheaper than One Direction's Concert ticket. Ed's VIP ticket price is Half as the VIP ticket of One DIrection. I wish I could watch him live T_T 

and the Bad news is I don't have Money. poor kid here.

 #PoorKidProblem